Kim  and Lilly are safely home in Achiltibuie, Scotland. It sure was empty the first few days without her. Still, the timing of her departure could not have been better. Though unrelated, I have felt almost normal energy-wise lately (well maybe not normal, but much stronger) which I  attribute to three consecutive nights of Ambien. I’m waking up with the sunrise and getting right down to the kennel. I feel rested and ready for the day. During these rested days I have been covering the kennel, feeding the livestock, and training all four dogs... not to mention managing the puppies, which involves a lot of mopping the floors.

The other night the Tar Heels had a late night game in Las Vegas. Ugh, it did not start until 10 PM. So... no sleeping pill. The next morning, upon meeting Lee in the kitchen, he inquired about my sleep. I shared that it had not been good, but during the night it had come to me that he should accompany me to the February sheep dog trials in Florida. We could close the kennel, take all of my dogs, and arrange for someone to feed the sheep and chickens. I noted that he could break his t.v. habit. With that he replied, “Are you crazy? February is in the heat of basketball..."  I quickly replied:  “No, you could listen to the games on XM radio, like I do every year.” He scowled and thought a moment before replying, “ It is very important that you take that sleeping pill."

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I have had my end-of-treatment scans which showed normal results, meaning no cancer can be detected in my upper body. My port has been removed. I am segueing into life after breast cancer. Let me be clear, no one is ever “cured”.  At stage 3 C  the cancer has a big chance of recurring, coming back either in the breast area, (my wonderful x surgeon left plenty of breast tissue, thinking I would change my mind and have reconstruction) or breast cancer could travel to my liver, brain, lungs or bones. I will be checked every three months for the next two years. My family and friends supported me through close to 2 years treatment. I was overwhelmed by the cards, calls, emails, prayers, and good wishes sent my way from life-time friends, as well as new friends, business friends, school friends I had not heard from in years, as well as the support that came from my new cancer family friends.  Having read many cancer books, my army of supporters followed all the guidelines laid out in support chapters. Y'all covered the bases, to wit:

 1. Friends who stepped up and in with food and offers to help in any way.

 2. Friends who supported me with love through my blog, face book and telephone. 

 3. Friends who disappeared, unable to deal with my mortality, their mortality, or whatever... but who I still want as a friend.

Cancer affects so many more people than just the patient. My family has taken my treatment in stride, helping when necessary. Lee has attended all appointments to which he was invited. Now that my treatment has ended, my family and friends may quickly return to how things were before, thinking that I am “cured”. But, for me and the thousands like me, the first year off treatment is the most difficult and dangerous. My hair has come back dark with a little curl. It changed my appearance so much that my sister walked right by me not knowing who I was. I have since put a little color back into it, looking a little more like my old self. I was hoping for gray and curly. 

I had a litter of six Border Collie puppies.   http://albums.phanfare.com/isolated/i3li6hAa/1/5348019

Two are available should you be active and looking for a dog. I am planning on traveling to Florida for Stock Dog Trials and to visit high school classmates. My brother and I will clean off the family graves. It’s an annual thing that has missed 2 years. I will be gone for 6 weeks, missing all of Feb. here.  I hope we get a good snow before I leave. 

I am going to be a keynote speaker at a local American Cancer Society kick-off event.  They want to hear about my stay at Hope Lodge in Atlanta during my radiation. Hope Lodge is sponsored by ACS.  I will talk about the lodge as well as many of my frustrations with cancer, how I look at ACS, Komen, and other non-profits that sponsor cancer research among other things. 

My friend, Nancy Gyes, came for a short visit over New Year’s.   Dave and Mindy Cox, from Florida, are here visiting in Saluda, and ,like Nancy, have gone home with one of Bender’s pups.  Friends, puppies and the whatevers enumerated previously keep me moving forward with fewer and fewer fear breakdowns, but they never totally leave me. I never know when I will be grabbed and squeezed pale by some new ache ...... always accompanied with the gut-wrenching thought, is IT back?